Damon’s Choice

Once again note that this entry will have spoilers.
I should probably be more like Renbeth and organize my thoughts better but I need to react to the latest episode and therefore I am just going to react.

First off, let me state that this episode left me unsatisfied. I wanted the curse thing to have just been taken care of. As I have said before I am not a fan of this “cure.” Although, I do think it poses an interesting dilemma to the characters. Because it is the most on my mind, I will start with Damon and Elena first.
Okay, here’s the thing. Damon is a good vampire … no he is great one. He rocks at the whole kicking trash/protecting/ drinking blood, etc. And although I don’t think Damon always likes who he is … he has accepted who he is. Stefan loathes himself and lies to everyone else (including himself) about who he is. Stefan doesn’t want to accept what he is. I wasn’t surprised at all that Damon would not want to be human. When Elena first addresses the idea to him at the start of the episode … you can see it in his face. He doesn’t see him as human as being a real thing. He wouldn’t be Damon as a human. It would be like finding a cure for freckles and me taking it and not having freckles. That would be messed up. Okay, it isn’t exactly like that but you get my point. I also see where Elena is coming from. And I don’t think she is trying to reject Damon for who he is. I think she legitimately wants to grow old with him. But the problem is Damon doesn’t see it. I don’t see it. Don’t get me wrong. I want Damon and Elena to be with each other more than any other couple on the show … but I see them as vampires not humans. I think Damon does want Elena to choose to be a vampire … just like Elena wants Damon to be human. It made me sad when Damon made reference to not being Stefan. Here’s the thing. I don’t think Elena would be happy with Stefan in human form either. Stefan sucks either way. Elena sees this happy ending dream world where she and Damon get married, have kids, grow old and live human lives. But how can she seriously think that is an option? She’s the doppleganger. As she realized in the third season … all of the stuff that happened to her wasn’t because of the Salvatores. Okay, yes, things happened to her because of them but she was yanked into the supernatural world the day she was born. And if both she and Damon are human … heck I’d give them maybe three years. All of their friends are vampires, witches, werewolves. Not to mention they will be releasing the evil Silas. Without the supernatural she’s a dead woman. She can’t escape the supernatural world. But she can be a part of it. She can be strong, take care of herself as a vampire and be with Damon. I don’t think Damon was awful for turning down the “let’s be human together.” I think he’s a vampire and he knows it. I still think Damon and Elena can work … should work. Because I don’t think Elena can really be human again either. I certainly don’t want her to be so I get why Damon doesn’t want her to be either. And it has nothing to do with the dumb make believe sire bond. It has to do with who he is.
Shane. He just became so lame to me in this episode. He’s just a stupid guy like the preacher person. He’s a puppet in Silas’ plan. That’s so boring to me. I don’t know. I wanted him to be smarter. And can I just say that I called the whole “sacrifice Jeremy” right at the beginning of the episode. I was like, “really?” OF course, they have now conveniently brought in another hunter so that Jeremy doesn’t have to die and they can still release Silas. I’m not sure I love that. I wish they had made higher stakes. Release Silas a different way without meaning to.
I do still like Bonnie. Yes, she feels like she is under Shane’s control but I don’t think she is. What I mean is I think she has more control of herself than she realizes. And this could be a great chance for her to prove that. I did kind of enjoy the beginning scene with her and Jeremy as she is “forced” to study him shirtless. Ha ha.
I hate to admit it but Rebekah made some solid points. Elena isn’t innocent. And Rebekah hasn’t done anything that someone else in the gang would not do for the people they love. Heck, Elena staked Rebekah when she felt it was the only way to save her loved ones. It’s one of those, “We really aren’t that different” things. Don’t get me wrong. I like Elena way more than Rebekah. Rebekah is pouty and has tantrums but she has had legitimate reason to not adore Elena. Rebekah liked Stefan. He chose Elena. Elena pretends to be her friend and then literally stabs her in the back (or was it front), Elena has been responsible for the death of two of her family members, Klaus has picked Elena and his hybrids over Rebekah. It would be weird for Rebekah to like Elena. And it makes sense that Elena doesn’t like Rebekah. Some girls are just not meant to be BFF. I don’t love the Elena, Stefan and Rebekah being friends/working together. Gag. I just want Rebekah and Stefan to be all human with each other and for Elena to be like, “I’m cool with who I am. Damon, let’s make out and be a gorgeous vampire couple that kicks butt.” Whatever. I did love Rebekah’s response to Damon asking why he was there and her saying he had a nice behind. Ha. Great moment.
Klaus and Caroline. One, Tyler should have known better. The goose egg. But it was amazing the amount of pride he had to discard to save Caroline. I mean to just leave the woman he loves dying with the man he hates more than anything in life … that’s humility and love. Now, every now and then I have enjoyed some moments with Caroline and Klaus but I am actually pretty furious with Klaus. I mean he purposely bit the woman he “loves” to get back at Tyler. I loved that Caroline reminded Klaus about Jenna’s death. Thank you! I needed that reminder. Klaus is plain awful. He does just do things to be a dick and I don’t feel sorry for him. Caroline should not forgive him for what he did in this episode. Seriously, I will be so mad at her if she does. I am all for forgiveness but Klaus does not deserve Caroline’s forgiveness. He deserves to have Tyler rip him to shreds. And I hope people don’t find his actions romantic. He’s sick. And if Caroline and Klaus ever were in a relationship that would be the most abusive, horrible relationship ever. He’s bitten her twice and saved her. That isn’t heroic. If a guy tried to drown his girl friend twice and then give her cpr to revive her … sick. Or if a guy poisoned his girl friend and gave her the anecdote … sick.
Now, who is the mysterious guy or girl on the island. Now, I’d like it be Alaric, magically returned to never leave the show again. I don’t see that happening. Ha. Maybe it will be Matt showing off some new mad skills he has suddenly developed. A part of me wondered if Anna was there for Jeremy. Of course, they already had major closure so that probably isn’t it. I guess it could be an entirely new character. I would kind of love it to be Liz. Just cause everyone would be like, “What?!” (ha ha this is more of a joke). Now, Elijah would be awesome! I am all for that.
Okay, I need to go to bed. I have to get up super early tomorrow.
Oh but one more thing. Damon totally cares about Bonnie. He would never let anything happen to her. Damon cares about all of them. Okay, I’m done now. I can’t wait to read Renbeth’s post and hear Mitzi’s thoughts. Sorry if mine really were all over the place and doesn’t make sense. Thinking out loud on paper. 🙂

Trigger

So, today on my lovely walk around a lake I was listening to music and a couple songs came on (I had it on shuffle) and they made me think of people in my life and it got me thinking about what songs make me think of what people. Now some people (such as loved ones, boys I’ve liked, etc. have more than one song– some people have dozens) but I thought I would write down like a main song that makes me think of certain people. This post could be very boring for other people but I decided it would be fun for me. And who knows you may have a song that makes me think of you. (I have decided to put a musical artist with a couple people-mainly family- that makes me think of you just overall- I will put these in parenthesis)

Me: Here With Me- Dido (Avril Lavigne)
Daddyboy- Everything I Do- Bryan Adams (Alabama)
Mom- Unexpected Song (Carpenters)
Renbeth: It’s All Coming Back to Me Now- Celion Dion (Tori Amos)
Juan: Little Black Back Pack- Stroke 9 (Red Hot Chili Peppers and Radiohead)
Best Friend: Pirates Gospel- Alele Diane (Ingrid Michaelson)
Little Ash: Cry- Faith Hill
Seanzie: Somebody Like You- Keith Urban
Louie: Amazing Grace
Nan J/Chelsea: Everywhere- Michelle Branch (Michelle Branch and Josh Groban)
Chelle Belle: Would You Go With Me- Josh Turner
Kesara and Beth: I Refuse- Sense Field
Punk- Smile- Uncle Kracker
Curt- Forever- Uncle Jesse and the Rippers
Elder Spears- On Fire- Switchfoot
Gemma- To Make You Feel My Love- Adele
Cole- Need to Be Next to You- Leigh Nash
Devin- In the End- Linkin Park

Next I want to put a couple combos . . .

Parents: Forever’s As Far As I’ll Go- Alabama
Siblings: A Whole New World and I Just Can’t Wait to be King- Disney
Juan and Little Ash: Girlfriend- Avril Lavigne
Gemma and Miller: Love Story- Taylor Swift

Okay that’s all for the moment. I am sure there are more. And as I said before there is usually more than one song with people. Those were just the main ones to come to mind.

My Grandfather

For Christmas I was given a book of letters from my Grandfather to his family while he was in service during WWII. This was a special treat for me for two reasons. One, I love history. Two, I have always felt this connection to my Grandfather. He died when my father was two from a heart attack. When I was a little girl I used to imagine having conversations with him. Once, I was writing a paper about my Grandpa (who is happily still living) and I suddenly felt very sad that I never got to meet my Grandfather. I was sad because I never got to hear him say that he loved me. But then I had this overwhelming feeling that he loves me so much. And ever since we moved to my Grandfather’s hometown … my place of peace and meditation has been his gravestone … which may sound morbid but it isn’t at all. I go and sit by him and tell him all of my concerns and joys. For instance, when I broke up with Seanzie, I went and cried at his grave until it was dark and my father came and found me. My point is I love the man. The truth is I don’t actually know him very well. These letters were so exciting for me. And now I just want to know more. I want to know everything to his favorite food, first kiss, sense of humor, favorite scripture character, his temper, his laugh … And now I am kicking myself for not asking my Grandmother more questions about him before she died. I really only knew that he was an entomologist/teacher/ rock collector/ basketball player. Now, I know a few more things from the letters. I only have two stories about him. The one where he asked my grandmother to the dance and she thought he was just asking if she thought it would be fun to go in general. So when he came to pick her up she was not even close to being ready. And then I remember Grandmother told me the story of when he proposed she told him he had to look at her feet first … she felt self-conscious about her flat feet. Of course, he still wanted her. : ) I just really wish I knew more. I’m not a big family history person but for some reason Grandfather has always intrigued me. I want to know his successes and mistakes and really just everything. I love the man so much.

New Years Resolutions … is there a point?

I mean let’s be honest … we all make them but do we ever keep them after the first week or month? This sounds super pessimistic but bear with me cause I actually do feel we need them. We probably just need them more often. New Years allows us to reflect on the year … see what we liked and what we didn’t like and it helps us to see what we want in the future. For instance, one of the most common New Years Eve goals is to lose weight, eat healthy and exercise regularly. There is always a new herd of members at a gym right at the beginning of the year. I’ve been one of those people. Then life happens and my regular workout turns into once a week if I’m lucky or one week in the month I do really well but there is no regular about it. However, because I made those goals in the first place great things have happened … allow me to explain. Last year around this time of year I lived by myself, I had just experienced a break up and I didn’t have any close friends nearby. I was very alone. However, I had a new urge to work out and be healthy. I decided to go to Zumba (the gym was a waste of money because I didn’t love going) so I invited Best Friend (who I didn’t know very well) to go with me. And now she is one of the closest friends I’ve ever had. Do we go to Zumba regularly anymore? No, we are lucky if we go once a month. But I built a friendship thanks to making a resolution to get out there.
I feel like resolutions give us opportunities. And if we are awesome enough to follow through with them we get deep satisfaction. And even if by the end of the year we didn’t keep to the goal maybe we met that one person, or read that one book, or painted that one drawing, or went on that one trip that has shaped us more than if we had decided to screw resolutions altogether and do nothing. The possibility and likely hood of failure should never stop you.
The last couple years my resolution has been “Be kind to yourself.” I got this idea from one of my favorite books, The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver. I liked it because I felt that it encompassed everything I wanted to improve on physically, spiritually, socially, etc. But this year I think I would like to be more specific. I am keeping with my goal to be kind to myself but I’d like to make a list of ideas on how to do that. And maybe I won’t be completely successful but I feel like anything I actually do will be a success and it will force me to think about it and maybe try more.
How I will be kind to myself this year
1. Read one book per month (I got this idea from my sister who is amazing and has done a book a week goal the last couple years… I’m a slow reader but I also hate that I only read during the holiday break and summer. So instead of a book a week I am gonna try a book a month.)
2. I am going to work out twice a week (whether it is zumba, or taking a walk, or riding a bike, playing soccer or another sport etc.)
3. I am going to take a dance class and keep with it regularly.
4. I am going to try and write at least 1 letter per month (sounds weird but I suck at actually writing letters and I think it would be a good thing)
5. I am going to go on at least 6 dates this year. (This is my bold one. Ha.)
6. I am going to try and do the whole sugar only on weekends things.
7. I am going to keep a journal (and try to maybe write in it at least once a week).
8. Every week I am going to try a new recipe I have never done.
9. I am going to do my visiting teaching (ha ha … or try to really hard.)
10. I am going to take risks (whatever that means … I have been wanting to go to Vegas.)

Okay there is my list of ten things. I am sure there are other things but I figure I shouldn’t overdo it. And maybe instead of being an annual thing I should look over my list once a month and see how I am doing or see if there is something that needs more attention, etc. I don’t reflect as much as I think I should. I whine, complain, pity myself, etc. And I just think it is time I take my life more into my own hands than I have before. I need to stop waiting for it to all work out and make it all work out. With God’s help, of course. 🙂

One sweet weekend after the next . . .


Okay the last couple weekends have been pretty sweet so although I should probably be going to be bed because I have to go to work tomorrow . . . I’m totally just gonna write about the happy things in my life at the moment.
Last weekend (June 10th I think) Best Friend, Juan, and T-Rev (Juan’s friend and our new buddy) went camping. It was way good. The guys built the fire as Best Friend and I put up the tent and toilet seat( this may sound funny but really I am a genius). Then we ate our dinner of hot dogs and spiked jello . . . and by spiked I mean Best Friend put sprite in it. Oh and then it started raining. So we played Poo Head in the tent and I was never the poo head but the rest were. And then we melted smores and T-rev put a piece of chocolate in his jacket and it melted and then he put his phone it. Very funny. And then we started to discuss what we would do if a serial killer showed up at our tent. Juan said he would just take the hatchet and slam it into Best Friend (cause the killer wouldn’t expect that) but Best Friend she would throw herself into the fire before he could. So he switched to killed me with the hatchet sweet brother that he is and T-rev would just hold on tightly to the paper towel. Awe good times. Then Juan pulled out his guitar and we wrote a song together called the Big Bad Wolf is Not so Bad. I can’t remember all the lyrics but basically the wolf is singing about how he was simply looking for his pa and he got caught up in the pig mafia. Very exciting. Anyway, it started to rain again so we went to the tent and just listed our top fives for a bunch of stuff. I of course, fell asleep first being the old person I am. Then in the morning we made breakfast burritos. Then we went home and played soccer. The four of us were terribly exhausted and we ended up on the same team and lost because we were so so dead. Ha. But it was way fun. They we all went home, showered, napped (okay we didn’t all nap. I napped) and then we grabbed two more peeps and went to a Volleyball tournament in South Jordan. We were invited by a friend of mine. The whole trip was a blast. We won all but won game. I was really impressed with us. We also played Horse. It was seriously so much fun.
On Monday I went to visit my Chelle Belle and L. Lee in Rexburg. I love them so so much and I just wanted to hold L. Lee’s new baby girl forever. Campus has changed so much it is ridiculous. And yeah it was just all kinds pleasant. I miss them so much.
Moving on to this recent past weekend. Friday, the campers went to Seven Peaks. The four of us had a delightful time. I only got a little burned n my back. Daddyboy was proud of me. I posted pics on facebook if anyone is interested. We spent the whole day there . . . didn’t get back till nine. I was not as brave at Seven Peaks as I was at Lagoon. But as much as heights scare me . . . drowning scared me more. Sigh. It was great fun. The next day we played soccer again. And we rocked. I feel like I have gotten so much better. Oh yeah! Then in the evening Best Friend joined my family to go see a Real Salt Lake soccer game (Best Friend had never seen a professional game before). I saw an old freshman college friend there which was crazy. The ref was stupid and our guys weren’t playing super well so we tied. But it was fun. One of my favorite things was we had these four guys sitting behind us talking loudly. And one of my favorite things is they were talking about taxes and how they take out so much for single men and that they all just wanted to get married but girls just wouldn’t commit. I had to stop myself from laughing out loud. Anyway, the night was fantastic. Best Friend spent the night and in the morning we had pancakes and went to church together and it was just really good. Then we went to the parents house to celebrate Father’s Day, eat dinner and play games. I didn’t win any of the games. Sniff. I’m over it.
Next weekend may not be quite so great because Juan is leaving for Spain and I won’t see him in over a month which sucks cause he is my back up. The person I talk to/ chill with/ rant to/ complain to, etc. And Best Friend will be gone for the weekend. So my entire social life will be gone. Oh and my amazing Elanor (my choreographer) moved to Provo. Lame sauce all over. But at least the last two weekends have been beyond good.: )
PS. X-men First Class was a way good movie. : ) And Pretty Little Liars is back on again.

Some Really Good Things . . .

Okay so starting Wednesday this week has been really good. One, Best Friend and I planted a garden at our new house that we will be living in coming this fall. It is so great. And it turns out guys are living there over the summer. And they aren’t bad looking and we have to water frequently and needless to say I feel good about all three of these things. We also ate lemon bread and drank orange juice which was just great. I also have Best Friend watching Vampire Diaries and it’s so much fun to see her reactions and I just love having an excuse to watch all the episodes again. Good decision on Renbeth’s part to buy me the first season. Feel free to buy me the second one too, my darling sister. : ) Hee hee.
On Thursday I got thrown into chaperoning the Boys State Soccer Championship game being played at Rio Tinto Stadium in Salt Lake. Now, I am like the biggest soccer fan ever and half the team are my old students but I was originally not gonna drive down to Salt Lake but then they needed a chaperone so I was just like “Okay, it should be me.” I got Best Friend to go with me., She had never seen a full soccer game played before in her life!!! Anyway, the whole thing was a blast, riding on the bus with the students, cheering with them. It turns out we were playing against Mountain View (the High School in which my cousins went to and some of my cousins still go to). Now I knew my cousins had went there but for some reason I forgot I still had cousins in there. And I totally didn’t realize one of my cousins was on the other team. (I’m actually way sad I didn’t see them). Anyway, the game was intense. No goal the first half. We scored right away in the second. But then less than ten minutes to the end the other team made a goal. And man they kept getting down near our goal. I was freaking out. See, I feel kind of parental towards all my students and these were my boys on the field. Very stressful. Best Friend was just loving all of it. We went into overtime and man was it all kinds crazy. But then GOOOOOOAAAALLLLLL! That’s right we won. My kids are State Champs (It’s the first time ever for our soccer team). Holy cow I was so super proud. The cheering was intense. The bus ride home was louder than the ride there and it was like eleven at night. So happy. And it was nice cause near the end a woman behind me asked if I was Miss Freckles and when I confirmed she told me she was the mom of one of the boy’s on the team and that he spoke way highly of me and loved me as a teacher. Again happiness!

Well, Best Friend and I didn’t get home till closer to Midnight and we were both up again by six in the morning because I convinced her to help chaperone Lagoon Day for the seniors at our High School. (Yes Best Friend is amazing to let me drag her into all of these High School events. Ha ha). We spent the day hanging out with my history colleague Gordo. And oh my gosh we had a blast. Seriously. Now, here’s the thing . . . I am terrified of heights. Rollercoasters freak me out. I had only ever been to Lagoon once before and I refused to go on any really scary rides. I’m a chicken. Well, I decided to be brave. The three of us went on Wicked first thing. I decided that if I did the ride that looked the scariest to me nothing else would seem quite so bad. I was scared to death but I like to try new things. Gordo and Best Friend had to trap me into the line once we got there. Allow me to show you pictures of this ride.

It first shoots you out way up high and then just drops you and then you go on all these sideways turns and then it does this cork screw thing were you are upside down. I was screaming bloody murder through it all. Best Friend and Gordo just laughed. Said my face was hilarious. It’s good to know they think my “I am gonna die” face is so funny. Ha ha. Oh dear. Anyway, my whole body was shaking afterwards. But it was wise to do the scariest one first cause then I was mostly fine on the rest. (I am not sure I can ever go on the Wicked again) We went on the Colossus which you go in loops and so are upside down twice. I actually liked that one. I went on it again with my student Blake. This was nice cause I have had Blake as a student every year since I started teaching. It is crazy he is now graduating. Then we went on the Moustrap . . . not my favorite. Okay I won’t list all the ones we went on cause that would be boring. My favorite ride is the White Rollercoaster. Which is funny cause people say that one scares them the most cause it is so old and rickety. I love it. We went on it 3 times. : ) My other favorite was the Bambora (I think this is the right name– I called it like a million things while we were there). This one was a nice smooth roller coaster that played Beach music. Loved it. We did a couple water ones I enjoyed but the being wet after wasn’t as fun. My students were so cute wanting me to go on rides with them. Oh I went on the rocket. This one shoots you way up high super fast. I had to hold Best Friend and Gordo’s hands I was so scared. But I did it! The only two things I did not do was go on Wicked again and I did refuse to try the Samuri. Just looking at it made me want to hurl. I guess I didn’t do the ace flying one or the Spider but I had done those the first time I went to Lagoon. Oh here is one of my favorite quotes from Best Friend. We were watching as Gordo went on the ace flying ride and he looked so happy. I was all “I wish I had a camera.” And Best Friend got all excited and was like “My camera has a phone on it!” Love her! The day was awesome but I was exhausted. I have already been feeling under the weather and the late night before, and early morning, and intense rides and constant screaming had me pooped. When we got back Best Friend and I went to Village Inn with our gift cards we got for chaperoning the soccer game. Then we went home and watched some Vampire Diaries until Juan came and we watched Castle and a movie. Okay they watched the movie. I was out. But the whole day was great.
Oh and Zooey Deschanel is coming out with a new tv show I am excited for. It is called The New Girl. I will include a preview at the end of this post. Oh and today I get to play soccer and my old and new drama presidency is having a dinner tonight that I am pumped for. Good weekend. Yes. The only sad thing is Best Friend is leaving me to go to a family reunion. Sniff. But I am so pumped because she invited me to a different family reunion with just her fam at the end of July. They go camping for a week and I am kind of stoked about that alot. : ) I love her family and camping. Happiness!

I am freaking out!!! (This may contain spoilers for Vampire Diaries)

Okay the latest episode . . . insane! I just want to watch the next episode right now. I should have just waited until it was all done to watch it all at once. Because oh my goodness! Okay, 1) Damon can’t die!!! 2) I can’t believe Damon made Elena drink his blood like that. 3) I am so glad Elena doesn’t want to be a vampire. It makes me just really love her character even more. I am so happy she loves her humanity. 4) I am glad Tyler is back. 5) I am glad Matt is fighting on the right side now. It makes me want him to be with Caroline again. But I swear if he does something to hurt her I will be major ticked. 6) I am in so much shock about the Jenna thing right now. I don’t even know what to say. And I’m sad because everything was finally right with her and Alaric. And I just . . . I mean like total suck. 7) I have no clue how they are gonna even resolve things. I am so stressed right now. I need to call Renbeth soon because I’m just like AHHHHHHH! I love this show so so much. And I just want it to end well. 8) I think Catherine is such an interesting character. I can never decide if I like or hate her. 9) I am so concerned about Damon. 10) Again I love the Damon/ Alaric friendship. I think their friendship is my favorite. Oh Alaric is gonna be so sad about the Jenna thing. I feel horrid about that.
I feel like they will figure out a way to heal Damon. They have to, right? What is Elena gonna do? And what is Stefan doing to help anything? Nothing. He’s so lame. Urgh.

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