How I Met Your Mother, Las Vegas and yeah

Lately, I have been on this huge How I Met Your Mother kick. Netflix has seasons 1-6 up and I have been watching an episode or three every day. I am in love with the characters (except Robin. She’s just okay) and I think the writing is witty, clever and fun. I also like the concept of five friends who hang out all the time. I even like that they have a hang out spot (even if it is a bar). Reminds me Friends in the coffee shop. I can’t say how much I want a group of friends like that. I like that it’s not weird with Marshall and Lily who are married. I like that they do random stuff and support each other. I am so envious of this tv show. I don’t have anything close to that. I really only hang out with two people. Juan and Best Friend. Juan has other friends he likes to chill with and Best friend has a Boyfriend. So this means I spend most of my time alone. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m cool but … yeah. Here is the thing … I feel so out of place with college students in general. So out of place. And then at work everyone is married with kids and I know they don’t mean to but i feel out of place with them too. I live in Mormon country where 26 is old and if you aren’t married 26 is not old enough. I have been stuck in limbo for about 4 years. And I don’t know how to find people like me. I’m rare. Ha. And I can’t go hang out at a bar. Although sometimes I feel like I would be more at place there. Not because of the drinking but more that the people wouldn’t make me feel like a an old loser/ failure. I need a Barney in my life who tells me not to get married and to “Suit Up” so we can go do crazy things. I need a Marshall and Lily who keep me hopeful but don’t rub it in my face that they are married and I’m not. I need a Ted, who wants what I want just as much as I do. We could whine to each other. Ha. And I even want a Robin … who is just random. I don’t know. I guess I want friends. Wow, I sound majorly pathetic right now. But who cares. I still want it. I want to be around adults who are my age who have a career and who aren’t weird … like socially awkward weird where you are like “Oh that’s why they aren’t married” See which is horrible. I really don’t like this part of Mormon culture where I live. Cause I don’t think it is like this with Mormons in other places. So move, Sarah. Ha, right. I’ll just pack up, get another job and move by myself to where? North Dakota? And I’ll just pick history or drama to teach because the chances of me getting another job where I teach both is so fat and slim. And I’ll pray that my over all faculty and staff will be as wonderful. And I’ll just pray that I actually do move to a place with single Mormons my age. And I’ll hope that I actually meet some buddies instead of just literally being all alone and not having family or Best Friend. Ha ha. That sounds like a risk I want to take all alone. Ahhhh. Oh the constant debate in my head. It’s gross. But back to happy things. I saw a clip of President Eyring saying that BYU-I graduates would go on to be legen … wait for it dary. i was so happy. I wanted to do the whole high five but I was alone in the room. Anyway, I love the show.
So, I’ve been so stressed with work, and that constant debate in my head about going or staying and with feeling just out of place everywhere except at my parent’s home and with my students and … I decided I need to get away so badly. I was thinking Las Vegas. No joke. It’s not typical for me and I need not typical. Of course, once again I’d probably have to go alone. Best Friend doesn’t seem to think going alone to Las Vegas would be wise. But staying here in Logan and being alone for New Years sounds so completely depressing. I don’t want to push my way into other peoples’ New Years Plans either. I thought of visiting Best Friend and I’ve talked about it with her. And of course, she was like “Come” but then I’m like … she wants to be with her man for New Years what was I thinking? I don’t want to come be that annoying third wheel that invites herself into their plans. Maybe I could go visit some extended family. And this sounds so bad and I don’t mean it to … But most of my cousins my age are married and most of them with kids and that just sounds a little depressing to me … I want to get away from feeling like a failure for a couple nights. I’m so happy for them and I love love love spending time with them but I just need a break from being the only single one around.
I’d go visit Renbeth because her house is always an escape for me. I love seeing my nephew and playing games/ talking with Renbeth and Gretchen and eating good food. But I’m poor.
So, I feel at a loss. I invited Juan to Las Vegas offering to pay but he didn’t seem to keen on the idea. I think he’d rather spend New Years Eve with his friends than with his sister. So, maybe I will risk it and just go alone. I just can’t be here this year. I really just need out of Utah for a couple days to clear my head. So yeah.

1 Comment

  1. I love you. We are going to visit Tim & Kristen for New Year’s, or I would tell you to certainly come out and see us for sure.

    It is hard to risk the unknown. But you seem so unhappy with the known that you have. Is unhappy and comfortable worth it?

    Don’t move to North Dakota. That sounds rather bleak. But have you really tried seriously considering other places to go? Looked at jobs? Apartments? Mormon population? Etc? Think about where else you know people who could help you get situated.


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