How I Met your Mother quote

Ted (talking to Barney): Don’t tell me you don’t have a list of all the women you have slept with.
Marshall: I have one. It’s called my marriage license. (Then he and Lily high five, Gosh I love this show. Marshall and Lily are my favorite.)

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How I Met Your Mother, Las Vegas and yeah

Lately, I have been on this huge How I Met Your Mother kick. Netflix has seasons 1-6 up and I have been watching an episode or three every day. I am in love with the characters (except Robin. She’s just okay) and I think the writing is witty, clever and fun. I also like the concept of five friends who hang out all the time. I even like that they have a hang out spot (even if it is a bar). Reminds me Friends in the coffee shop. I can’t say how much I want a group of friends like that. I like that it’s not weird with Marshall and Lily who are married. I like that they do random stuff and support each other. I am so envious of this tv show. I don’t have anything close to that. I really only hang out with two people. Juan and Best Friend. Juan has other friends he likes to chill with and Best friend has a Boyfriend. So this means I spend most of my time alone. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m cool but … yeah. Here is the thing … I feel so out of place with college students in general. So out of place. And then at work everyone is married with kids and I know they don’t mean to but i feel out of place with them too. I live in Mormon country where 26 is old and if you aren’t married 26 is not old enough. I have been stuck in limbo for about 4 years. And I don’t know how to find people like me. I’m rare. Ha. And I can’t go hang out at a bar. Although sometimes I feel like I would be more at place there. Not because of the drinking but more that the people wouldn’t make me feel like a an old loser/ failure. I need a Barney in my life who tells me not to get married and to “Suit Up” so we can go do crazy things. I need a Marshall and Lily who keep me hopeful but don’t rub it in my face that they are married and I’m not. I need a Ted, who wants what I want just as much as I do. We could whine to each other. Ha. And I even want a Robin … who is just random. I don’t know. I guess I want friends. Wow, I sound majorly pathetic right now. But who cares. I still want it. I want to be around adults who are my age who have a career and who aren’t weird … like socially awkward weird where you are like “Oh that’s why they aren’t married” See which is horrible. I really don’t like this part of Mormon culture where I live. Cause I don’t think it is like this with Mormons in other places. So move, Sarah. Ha, right. I’ll just pack up, get another job and move by myself to where? North Dakota? And I’ll just pick history or drama to teach because the chances of me getting another job where I teach both is so fat and slim. And I’ll pray that my over all faculty and staff will be as wonderful. And I’ll just pray that I actually do move to a place with single Mormons my age. And I’ll hope that I actually meet some buddies instead of just literally being all alone and not having family or Best Friend. Ha ha. That sounds like a risk I want to take all alone. Ahhhh. Oh the constant debate in my head. It’s gross. But back to happy things. I saw a clip of President Eyring saying that BYU-I graduates would go on to be legen … wait for it dary. i was so happy. I wanted to do the whole high five but I was alone in the room. Anyway, I love the show.
So, I’ve been so stressed with work, and that constant debate in my head about going or staying and with feeling just out of place everywhere except at my parent’s home and with my students and … I decided I need to get away so badly. I was thinking Las Vegas. No joke. It’s not typical for me and I need not typical. Of course, once again I’d probably have to go alone. Best Friend doesn’t seem to think going alone to Las Vegas would be wise. But staying here in Logan and being alone for New Years sounds so completely depressing. I don’t want to push my way into other peoples’ New Years Plans either. I thought of visiting Best Friend and I’ve talked about it with her. And of course, she was like “Come” but then I’m like … she wants to be with her man for New Years what was I thinking? I don’t want to come be that annoying third wheel that invites herself into their plans. Maybe I could go visit some extended family. And this sounds so bad and I don’t mean it to … But most of my cousins my age are married and most of them with kids and that just sounds a little depressing to me … I want to get away from feeling like a failure for a couple nights. I’m so happy for them and I love love love spending time with them but I just need a break from being the only single one around.
I’d go visit Renbeth because her house is always an escape for me. I love seeing my nephew and playing games/ talking with Renbeth and Gretchen and eating good food. But I’m poor.
So, I feel at a loss. I invited Juan to Las Vegas offering to pay but he didn’t seem to keen on the idea. I think he’d rather spend New Years Eve with his friends than with his sister. So, maybe I will risk it and just go alone. I just can’t be here this year. I really just need out of Utah for a couple days to clear my head. So yeah.

Feeling, old, tired and cranky

I have this roommate … lovely girl … (we’ll call her Marsha) but she likes to throw parties at our house and she likes to throw them on school nights and she and her friends like to be loud and hang out in the kitchen which is right next to my room. And it makes sense. She’s in college. And she has a social life. I get it. But oh my goodness … I am just like please go upstairs, stop laughing so loud, etc. I sound so lame, huh? I feel old. Not old old. But I am not in the college scene anymore. I have a career. I have responsibilities and I have to teach and grade and plan and direct all day long and I need my fetching sleep. I find having roommates again is so difficult. I love living with Best Friend (she is marvelous and makes me so happy– and she is why I moved in with roomies in the first place) but next year I need to be on my own again. It may have been lonely but at least I didn’t have to deal with anyone else but me. And I find that my loneliness is deeper than whether or not I have roommates. It’s not that my roommates aren’t great … I just am … I don’t know. In some weird limbo that I can’t get out of. 

Oh my gosh it’s like they chill right next to my door. AHHHHHHHHHHH! So mad. Really? Really? There are so many other places they could fetching go. The best part is I can hear my roommate shhhing them but they are still being loud and then I heard someone say “How old is she?” and another person say, “Old enough to get over it.” Oh I need my own place so bad. Maybe they weren’t talking about me but it doesn’t change the fact that I want out. Best Friend is the only one keeping me here. If it weren’t for her I’d try to sell my contract and get out. At least she keeps me sane. Yay for Best Friend. 

I wonder …

Sometimes I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to live out the end of a chick flick and have this really attractive, charming, guy walking towards me and knowing by his little smile that I am what he wants. And then he comes and says something just perfect and then he kisses me and I know I have the happily ever after. Ha ha. Yeah …. I know, A little ridiculous. Doesn’t mean I don’t want it. : )

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