House at Riverton . . .

House at Riverton by Kate Morton. A book my childhood best friend, Jenna, gave me for Christmas. I have read it quickly. Instantly, I was caught up in the story, the scandal, the mystery. And the book was excellent. But at the same time . . . I am . . . I don’t know what I am actually. Sad, angry, inrigued? All of the above maybe. From the beginning you know that the poet dies. It’s written on the back of the book. And maybe it’s just how it happened that upsets. How all of the stupid things happened. How they could have been so easily prevented if the truth had just come out, if people had just been themselves, if a war had never happened. The book made me realize how our lives can change so completely in just a moment, with one simple decision. Our lives are made up of choices. Choices that we need. We need our agency even if sometimes we hate what we do with it. And how can one choice that seems so right at the moment really be so wrong? Does that make sense? I think I’m blabbering. My mind is a whirlwind after having read the book and there is no one really to discuss it with seeing as no one else of my acquaintance has read it. I just . . . I’m so preturbed. So irritated and not sure that I wouldn’t have made the same choices. Tragedy. A real tragedy is when it all really just depended on the choices. If just that one thing had not been done, if only that one thing had been said, if only that one misconception had been corrected. But I suppose you can always ‘what if’ it but once a certain choice is made and a certain consequence has followed you can’t very well go back and change the choice. I just wish I had someone to really discuss this with. Urgh. Don’t you hate it when you have a million thoughts and you just want to talk . . . oh well. The point is the book was good. Even if I hate that life sucks sometimes and it doesn’t turn out in fairy tale endings. Love . . . I don’t always get it. I don’t always get myself. Okay, I should stop now. This is probably the most confusing blog entry anyone has ever read.

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