How I Met Your Mother, Las Vegas and yeah

Lately, I have been on this huge How I Met Your Mother kick. Netflix has seasons 1-6 up and I have been watching an episode or three every day. I am in love with the characters (except Robin. She’s just okay) and I think the writing is witty, clever and fun. I also like the concept of five friends who hang out all the time. I even like that they have a hang out spot (even if it is a bar). Reminds me Friends in the coffee shop. I can’t say how much I want a group of friends like that. I like that it’s not weird with Marshall and Lily who are married. I like that they do random stuff and support each other. I am so envious of this tv show. I don’t have anything close to that. I really only hang out with two people. Juan and Best Friend. Juan has other friends he likes to chill with and Best friend has a Boyfriend. So this means I spend most of my time alone. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m cool but … yeah. Here is the thing … I feel so out of place with college students in general. So out of place. And then at work everyone is married with kids and I know they don’t mean to but i feel out of place with them too. I live in Mormon country where 26 is old and if you aren’t married 26 is not old enough. I have been stuck in limbo for about 4 years. And I don’t know how to find people like me. I’m rare. Ha. And I can’t go hang out at a bar. Although sometimes I feel like I would be more at place there. Not because of the drinking but more that the people wouldn’t make me feel like a an old loser/ failure. I need a Barney in my life who tells me not to get married and to “Suit Up” so we can go do crazy things. I need a Marshall and Lily who keep me hopeful but don’t rub it in my face that they are married and I’m not. I need a Ted, who wants what I want just as much as I do. We could whine to each other. Ha. And I even want a Robin … who is just random. I don’t know. I guess I want friends. Wow, I sound majorly pathetic right now. But who cares. I still want it. I want to be around adults who are my age who have a career and who aren’t weird … like socially awkward weird where you are like “Oh that’s why they aren’t married” See which is horrible. I really don’t like this part of Mormon culture where I live. Cause I don’t think it is like this with Mormons in other places. So move, Sarah. Ha, right. I’ll just pack up, get another job and move by myself to where? North Dakota? And I’ll just pick history or drama to teach because the chances of me getting another job where I teach both is so fat and slim. And I’ll pray that my over all faculty and staff will be as wonderful. And I’ll just pray that I actually do move to a place with single Mormons my age. And I’ll hope that I actually meet some buddies instead of just literally being all alone and not having family or Best Friend. Ha ha. That sounds like a risk I want to take all alone. Ahhhh. Oh the constant debate in my head. It’s gross. But back to happy things. I saw a clip of President Eyring saying that BYU-I graduates would go on to be legen … wait for it dary. i was so happy. I wanted to do the whole high five but I was alone in the room. Anyway, I love the show.
So, I’ve been so stressed with work, and that constant debate in my head about going or staying and with feeling just out of place everywhere except at my parent’s home and with my students and … I decided I need to get away so badly. I was thinking Las Vegas. No joke. It’s not typical for me and I need not typical. Of course, once again I’d probably have to go alone. Best Friend doesn’t seem to think going alone to Las Vegas would be wise. But staying here in Logan and being alone for New Years sounds so completely depressing. I don’t want to push my way into other peoples’ New Years Plans either. I thought of visiting Best Friend and I’ve talked about it with her. And of course, she was like “Come” but then I’m like … she wants to be with her man for New Years what was I thinking? I don’t want to come be that annoying third wheel that invites herself into their plans. Maybe I could go visit some extended family. And this sounds so bad and I don’t mean it to … But most of my cousins my age are married and most of them with kids and that just sounds a little depressing to me … I want to get away from feeling like a failure for a couple nights. I’m so happy for them and I love love love spending time with them but I just need a break from being the only single one around.
I’d go visit Renbeth because her house is always an escape for me. I love seeing my nephew and playing games/ talking with Renbeth and Gretchen and eating good food. But I’m poor.
So, I feel at a loss. I invited Juan to Las Vegas offering to pay but he didn’t seem to keen on the idea. I think he’d rather spend New Years Eve with his friends than with his sister. So, maybe I will risk it and just go alone. I just can’t be here this year. I really just need out of Utah for a couple days to clear my head. So yeah.

Feeling, old, tired and cranky

I have this roommate … lovely girl … (we’ll call her Marsha) but she likes to throw parties at our house and she likes to throw them on school nights and she and her friends like to be loud and hang out in the kitchen which is right next to my room. And it makes sense. She’s in college. And she has a social life. I get it. But oh my goodness … I am just like please go upstairs, stop laughing so loud, etc. I sound so lame, huh? I feel old. Not old old. But I am not in the college scene anymore. I have a career. I have responsibilities and I have to teach and grade and plan and direct all day long and I need my fetching sleep. I find having roommates again is so difficult. I love living with Best Friend (she is marvelous and makes me so happy– and she is why I moved in with roomies in the first place) but next year I need to be on my own again. It may have been lonely but at least I didn’t have to deal with anyone else but me. And I find that my loneliness is deeper than whether or not I have roommates. It’s not that my roommates aren’t great … I just am … I don’t know. In some weird limbo that I can’t get out of. 

Oh my gosh it’s like they chill right next to my door. AHHHHHHHHHHH! So mad. Really? Really? There are so many other places they could fetching go. The best part is I can hear my roommate shhhing them but they are still being loud and then I heard someone say “How old is she?” and another person say, “Old enough to get over it.” Oh I need my own place so bad. Maybe they weren’t talking about me but it doesn’t change the fact that I want out. Best Friend is the only one keeping me here. If it weren’t for her I’d try to sell my contract and get out. At least she keeps me sane. Yay for Best Friend. 

I wonder …

Sometimes I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to live out the end of a chick flick and have this really attractive, charming, guy walking towards me and knowing by his little smile that I am what he wants. And then he comes and says something just perfect and then he kisses me and I know I have the happily ever after. Ha ha. Yeah …. I know, A little ridiculous. Doesn’t mean I don’t want it. : )

I’m mad.

Don’t worry. It’s for a silly reason. But I am mad. And annoyed. Okay I’ll grow up. Nope … Im gonna stay mad. I feel like going to bed angry. Ha.

I need a life …

It was a Friday night. A Holiday even. Best Friend was at a basketball game with her man (I’ll give him the name Statham cause that’s who he looks like.), Juan was doing his own thing, other roomies were off with boyfriend or friends and then I realized all of my other friends live outside of Logan or are married. So, what did I do last night? I watched Community and Bones, tried to write some but felt sleepy from a long day at work. And then went to bed at like 9:20. Which sadly explains me being up by 6am. Everyday I literally spend close to 12 if not longer hours a day at the high school. I come home exhausted, I veg and then go to sleep. I don’t have many friends. And that’s fine. I just … sometimes I miss the Chelle, Seanzie, Grant … I miss them so much. Of course, they are all married. And what am I? I will tell you. I am more comfortable hanging out at rehearsal with my high schoolers than going to church activities. I feel like I belong at the high school more than at salsa or country dancing. I am a teacher not a college student. And I am in this college, Mormon town and I feel so out of place all the time. So, I should move as everyone tells me to. But I’d just be moving alone. With no one. And to where? Where would I possibly go? And I’d be leaving the one thing that makes me feel worth something. Teaching is my life right now. I feel like the kids need me. I feel like I am making a difference. That I’m doing good. You can say … that will happen anywhere. And you are probably right but here’s the thing … the students become your kids. And as a drama director I have the same students for years and I have these sophomores and juniors who are improving and getting involved and the thought of abandoning them to who knows who they will hire … the program is so small and having money issues and I am pulling it out of the whole it has been in for so many years. How can I stop my work now?
I’m not a good gambler. Really, I lose all the time when I take risks and I just have a hard time believing that my life would … be how I really want it … anywhere else. And yes, I have prayed. But I don’t know how open I really am to any answer because I am scared of both of them. I need to … I don’t know. Go on a cruise. Ha. Clear my head. And then a miracle would be nice.

Mormons are Christians

Mormons are Christians. And anyone who says differently is either ignorant about Mormons or ignorant about what the definition of Christian is.

Definitions from dictionary.com, webster-dictionary.com:
a person who believes in Jesus Christ; adherent of Christianity.

a person who exemplifies in his or her life the teachings of Christ: He died like a true Christian.

one who professes belief in the teachings of Jesus Christ.

Does this definition say anything about the trinity or how much revelation God has sent to Earth or anything that Mormons do differently from other Christian churches? No. Let me assure you that every Sunday at church Christ is discussed … in every lesson Christ is brought up no matter what the topic. The head of our Church is Christ. People are claiming that we are not Christian because we have the Book of Mormon. Does anyone even read the whole title: The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. We teach from both the Bible and Book of Mormon. Is it really so hard to believe that God and and His Son would teach more people than just those in Europe between creation and what … 1500 or 1600s? Is it so insane to believe that Christ would come to Earth in our day and age? Why would there be no more prophets? Does that make sense that God and Christ would just stop all communication and say, “yeah, just go with what we gave the people hundreds of years ago.” And how are we less Christian by saying Christ is his own being and so is Heavenly Father and the Holy Ghost. I don’t get how that lessens our Christianity at all. And because we think Christ will come to Earth again … oh heck we must totally not be Christians then. How could we believe He is still around and still cares and still plans on coming again. I currently read an article that discussed this question and it just royally ticked me off. It referred to our church having “loopiness”. I’m just so sick of people who have to tear down other religions. IT bugs me so much. It bugs me if a fellow Mormon does it to someone else. Gosh, our church name is not even really Mormon it is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints! We don’t have to agree. And I am totally cool with people saying, “I believe this is different and your way doesn’t make sense to me.” That’s fine. There are items in other peoples’ religions that don’t make sense to me. But I don’t try to tell people what they are or aren’t. Example: I don’t say to a Catholic … you aren’t Christian because you’re not from one of the Protestant churches that formed. That’s so stupid. Catholics are totally Christian. I also don’t say to a Seventh Day Adventist … you aren’t Christian cause you honor the Sabbath on a Saturday. Again stupid. Seventh Day Adventists are totally Christian! Don’t tell me I’m not a Chrisitan. Ask me if I am. And I will tell you. Yes, a million times over. MY entire belief system revolves around Jesus Christ. Christ is my savior, my friend and most importantly my brother. And I love him so much. And I want so much to be more like him. And I love his teachings. I am a follower of Christ. And my parents are. And the people in my ward are. And in my stake. And in my entire religion. My prophet, Thomas S. Monson is one of the greatest followers of great I know. So, this whole debate about Mormons being Christians is just silly. And honestly, why? Why is it even happening? How is it hurting other religions to admit we are Christian. I’m not somehow offended or hurt by saying Baptists or Presbyterians are Christian. It doesn’t effect my belief system at all. So people just get over it and stop trying to tell other people what they believe in! Urgh!

I Wish it was Last Year

If it was this day a year ago I would have been in a stinkin’ good mood. Classes would have gone well, my first rehearsal would have been amazing. I would have been giddy, getting all dressed up for my date tonight. I would be on cloud nine as I anxiously waited to see _________ after having him gone for the weekend. I would be getting kissed tonight. But it’s not last year. It’s now. And instead I’ve had one of the most exhausting crappy days at work and I have nothing really to look forward to this evening. I’ve had so many students complain about the parts they were given, not given, etc. I’ve had students drop the musical cause they didn’t get the part they want. Seriously, I just want to run away and hide in a little cave and watch Dr. Who while eating fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. I just feel so discouraged and bogged down with all the stuff I need and should be doing. For all who read this don’t panic. It’s just one of those days. I’m sure I’ll be fine the moment Best Friend comes home from Frisbee. We all know I can’t stay urgh for long. I just . . . wish I had something as happy to look forward to tonight as I did a year ago. But you know what . . . it’s all good. The world is a beautiful place.

Dr. Who

So, Punk convinced me that I needed to watch this popular BBC show called Dr. Who. Basically it is a series that has been around forever. There is this guy called The Doctor and he time travels and goes on adventures in the TARDIS (basically a time machine), saving the world, chillin’ with famous historical figures, gets in little scrapes, etc. It was a show that was early on in the 70s or 80s. I can’t recall but the BBC brought it back in 2005 with Christopher Eccleston playing the 9th doctor. That comment probably makes no sense to you if you have never seen the doctor. Allow me to explain just a bit. The doctor changes. In all, I believe there have been eleven doctors. It’s hard to explain but basically the main guy changes every few seasons. I’m addicted to the show. The first couple episodes seemed a little silly (more because of the special effects than anything- but let’s be fair … it was made in 2005). The point is the show is fun. The Doctor’s character is bizarre … mysterious and quirky. And sometimes he ticks me off and other times I just can’t help but smile. I’ve just finished the first season (2005) and I’m about to be introduced to a new doctor (Punk’s favorite– David Tennant). But I shall miss Christopher Eccleston so much. I find I get attached to people in shows … especially the main ones. At least I know Rose (his traveling buddy) will still be around. Anyway, it’s a delightful show and I wanted to say it.

This had some funny parts I thought . . .

What I Would Do With a Magic Wand …

I felt really inspired to write about this. I saw it on these prompt ideas they give you and I just thought, “Man, the people have to know.” So here is what I would do. I would first get Adam Brody to fall in love with me. Second, I would improve my wardrobe. Third, i would eat buffalo wings like all the time. Four, I would put lizards on people that were ticking me off. And five, I would let the wand grade my papers. Yep, those five things sound good. I’m sure I would enjoy other things too. Man, I feel so much better getting these thoughts out and I would never have thought of them on my own.