So, my old theatre professor and his wife are helping out orphanages in Ecuador. It is super awesome. They still need donations to get supplies/food for these kids. If you want to contribute just go to dandoamor.com and click on the playmill chip in option. Seriously, even a dollar would be helpful.
Twenty-Seven
Tomorrow I will be twenty-seven. I’m not going to lie … I’m not at all where I thought I would be at 27. But I feel really good about who I am over all. Not saying there aren’t things I wouldn’t want to change about me and my life but the truth is I like who I am and I like what I have accomplished in my life. I’ll admit I have felt a bit bummed this last weekend (I’m blaming some of this on it being my time of the month) because I am turning 27 (which is my favorite number) and I feel like my birthday will just be pretty much like any other day. I guess I just wanted it to be memorable and beyond great. I know it will be lovely … I’ll be spending the evening with my family. So that is nice. It’s too just bad that Adam Brody won’t walk into my classroom and kiss me. That would also be nice … memorable and beyond great. Ha ha. I have a hope that this year of me being 27 will be one of the best years of my life. I should probably find a candle to blow out.
Catch Up or Ketchup
So, I haven’t posted in a really long time. I’ve been rather busy. Let’s see what to discuss first. Well, good news sounds like a nice first topic. When I became in charge of the drama department at my school two years ago … it was in massive debt. Massive. But I just found out on Friday that I got us out of the hole. So, that was legit. My students performed well in their Winter play. Now we are moving on to competition, the variety show, inductions, and our workshop for little kids. Needless to say … there has been no break. But I suppose it is good and healthy to stay busy.
I have also made some shifts in my personal life. For one, I’m trying online dating. I got this idea from my sister, which was then re-suggested by my Bishop. Not really my kind of thing but it is true I’m not meeting people my own age. And here is the deal … I want to stay in the area I am at so badly. I love love love love love my job. IT is my happiest thing. But I can’t keep having a completely dead social life. So, I plan on moving in the next year. But I feel sad about leaving my job … my kids. I’d rather stay. So, I’m in this new kick to fight to stay. So, I’m trying online dating and I am process of moving to a different area so that I can maybe stay. We’ll see how it goes. The important thing is I know what I want and I’m willing to fight for it. I’ve made a deal with God. After try everything I can this year to be social and still nothing is happening … I’ll go. I guess we’ll see what happens.
Other topics … I’m really tired of them killing Alaric on Vampire Diaries. He is one of my favorites and it upsets me greatly every time. Two, I’m starting to dig the Caroline/Klaus thing. Although I’ll feel somewhat bad for Tyler. Three, Elena is driving me nuts. Normally, I like her just fine but urgh! Four, why does Damon have to lash out. He’s a complete hazard to himself. I still love him. Five. Stefan is an idiot. And I’m sick of them making it seem like he is the good guy. He is so not a good guy. Done.
I am watching the Bachelor. I know … stupid. You don’t have to tell me. I know. But I have been watching it anyway. And I am so ticked off. Ben keeps Courtney (one of the most horrible chicks I have ever seen) and kicks off Kacie B.? Probably the most normal girl on the show. I do like Lindsi and I liked Emily. Ben is so dumb. I’ve lost a lot of respect for him. Not going to lie. I think he deserves Courtney at this point.
Let’s see … I’ve started watching White Collar. Excellent.
I need to start exercising again. I’ve been really bad. Hmmm …. yeah I think that sums up my life at the moment. Ha ha.
On My Own
So, lately I’ve been stressed and trying to figure my life out. And even now I feel like crying (totally blaming my period on that though). The point is this morning I was in my car listening to Sirius XM and I was on the broadway station and the song On My Own from Les Miserable was on. And it made me instantly smile because it was a song I sang with my sister, Renbeth, when we were younger. I remember this one time (mainly cause it is on video) where we were singing the song and I was acting out the words all literal like and it was making Renbeth laugh so hard. We couldn’t even finish the song. Then my mom, who was playing the piano and had her back turned to us, turned to get an explanation. And Renbeth was all “You don’t even understand what she was doing!” Anyway, I had to laugh out loud in my car when I thought about it. It made me so happy because I love making my sister laugh. She has a beautiful laugh. And although the rest of the day was stressful and I still feel blug … it was a happy memory moment I really needed. “The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers …”
It bothers me when . . .
I say something nice about Obama on facebook and people make snide remarks. I don’t make snide remarks when they talk about political people they like. Unless, I am dissing someone they like … I’d rather they keep their opinions to themseleves. It probably wouldn’t bother me but I’ve been living in UT for so long that 98% I hear crap about a President I actually like. And most of the time I can’t say anything. I’ve had past roommates who wouldn’t let me speak my opinion. My students are constantly bashing on him and I feel like I can only say so much. People are so negative about him and usually all they can say is “we are in debt” … well guess what we were in debt before that and went through an economic crisis. Now, I’m no economic genius so I feel I can’t really make a valid argument here for or against … but one I’m sure Obama has advisors that know more than most of the population here in UT and two, even if the debt is really really bad there are other issues involved. And what Obama says on education is great! And guess what I care alot about education. And frequently Republican candidates (not all) do not have super great education views. Seriously. Okay, I’m done ranting. Ha!
My Grandfather
For Christmas I was given a book of letters from my Grandfather to his family while he was in service during WWII. This was a special treat for me for two reasons. One, I love history. Two, I have always felt this connection to my Grandfather. He died when my father was two from a heart attack. When I was a little girl I used to imagine having conversations with him. Once, I was writing a paper about my Grandpa (who is happily still living) and I suddenly felt very sad that I never got to meet my Grandfather. I was sad because I never got to hear him say that he loved me. But then I had this overwhelming feeling that he loves me so much. And ever since we moved to my Grandfather’s hometown … my place of peace and meditation has been his gravestone … which may sound morbid but it isn’t at all. I go and sit by him and tell him all of my concerns and joys. For instance, when I broke up with Seanzie, I went and cried at his grave until it was dark and my father came and found me. My point is I love the man. The truth is I don’t actually know him very well. These letters were so exciting for me. And now I just want to know more. I want to know everything to his favorite food, first kiss, sense of humor, favorite scripture character, his temper, his laugh … And now I am kicking myself for not asking my Grandmother more questions about him before she died. I really only knew that he was an entomologist/teacher/ rock collector/ basketball player. Now, I know a few more things from the letters. I only have two stories about him. The one where he asked my grandmother to the dance and she thought he was just asking if she thought it would be fun to go in general. So when he came to pick her up she was not even close to being ready. And then I remember Grandmother told me the story of when he proposed she told him he had to look at her feet first … she felt self-conscious about her flat feet. Of course, he still wanted her. : ) I just really wish I knew more. I’m not a big family history person but for some reason Grandfather has always intrigued me. I want to know his successes and mistakes and really just everything. I love the man so much.
http://pinterest.com/ Okay this website is fabulous. I am terribly addicted. Renbeth if you are reading this I so think you would enjoy looking at this stuff.
New Years Resolutions … is there a point?
I mean let’s be honest … we all make them but do we ever keep them after the first week or month? This sounds super pessimistic but bear with me cause I actually do feel we need them. We probably just need them more often. New Years allows us to reflect on the year … see what we liked and what we didn’t like and it helps us to see what we want in the future. For instance, one of the most common New Years Eve goals is to lose weight, eat healthy and exercise regularly. There is always a new herd of members at a gym right at the beginning of the year. I’ve been one of those people. Then life happens and my regular workout turns into once a week if I’m lucky or one week in the month I do really well but there is no regular about it. However, because I made those goals in the first place great things have happened … allow me to explain. Last year around this time of year I lived by myself, I had just experienced a break up and I didn’t have any close friends nearby. I was very alone. However, I had a new urge to work out and be healthy. I decided to go to Zumba (the gym was a waste of money because I didn’t love going) so I invited Best Friend (who I didn’t know very well) to go with me. And now she is one of the closest friends I’ve ever had. Do we go to Zumba regularly anymore? No, we are lucky if we go once a month. But I built a friendship thanks to making a resolution to get out there.
I feel like resolutions give us opportunities. And if we are awesome enough to follow through with them we get deep satisfaction. And even if by the end of the year we didn’t keep to the goal maybe we met that one person, or read that one book, or painted that one drawing, or went on that one trip that has shaped us more than if we had decided to screw resolutions altogether and do nothing. The possibility and likely hood of failure should never stop you.
The last couple years my resolution has been “Be kind to yourself.” I got this idea from one of my favorite books, The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver. I liked it because I felt that it encompassed everything I wanted to improve on physically, spiritually, socially, etc. But this year I think I would like to be more specific. I am keeping with my goal to be kind to myself but I’d like to make a list of ideas on how to do that. And maybe I won’t be completely successful but I feel like anything I actually do will be a success and it will force me to think about it and maybe try more.
How I will be kind to myself this year
1. Read one book per month (I got this idea from my sister who is amazing and has done a book a week goal the last couple years… I’m a slow reader but I also hate that I only read during the holiday break and summer. So instead of a book a week I am gonna try a book a month.)
2. I am going to work out twice a week (whether it is zumba, or taking a walk, or riding a bike, playing soccer or another sport etc.)
3. I am going to take a dance class and keep with it regularly.
4. I am going to try and write at least 1 letter per month (sounds weird but I suck at actually writing letters and I think it would be a good thing)
5. I am going to go on at least 6 dates this year. (This is my bold one. Ha.)
6. I am going to try and do the whole sugar only on weekends things.
7. I am going to keep a journal (and try to maybe write in it at least once a week).
8. Every week I am going to try a new recipe I have never done.
9. I am going to do my visiting teaching (ha ha … or try to really hard.)
10. I am going to take risks (whatever that means … I have been wanting to go to Vegas.)
Okay there is my list of ten things. I am sure there are other things but I figure I shouldn’t overdo it. And maybe instead of being an annual thing I should look over my list once a month and see how I am doing or see if there is something that needs more attention, etc. I don’t reflect as much as I think I should. I whine, complain, pity myself, etc. And I just think it is time I take my life more into my own hands than I have before. I need to stop waiting for it to all work out and make it all work out. With God’s help, of course. 
How I Met your Mother quote
Ted (talking to Barney): Don’t tell me you don’t have a list of all the women you have slept with.
Marshall: I have one. It’s called my marriage license. (Then he and Lily high five, Gosh I love this show. Marshall and Lily are my favorite.)
How I Met Your Mother, Las Vegas and yeah
Lately, I have been on this huge How I Met Your Mother kick. Netflix has seasons 1-6 up and I have been watching an episode or three every day. I am in love with the characters (except Robin. She’s just okay) and I think the writing is witty, clever and fun. I also like the concept of five friends who hang out all the time. I even like that they have a hang out spot (even if it is a bar). Reminds me Friends in the coffee shop. I can’t say how much I want a group of friends like that. I like that it’s not weird with Marshall and Lily who are married. I like that they do random stuff and support each other. I am so envious of this tv show. I don’t have anything close to that. I really only hang out with two people. Juan and Best Friend. Juan has other friends he likes to chill with and Best friend has a Boyfriend. So this means I spend most of my time alone. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m cool but … yeah. Here is the thing … I feel so out of place with college students in general. So out of place. And then at work everyone is married with kids and I know they don’t mean to but i feel out of place with them too. I live in Mormon country where 26 is old and if you aren’t married 26 is not old enough. I have been stuck in limbo for about 4 years. And I don’t know how to find people like me. I’m rare. Ha. And I can’t go hang out at a bar. Although sometimes I feel like I would be more at place there. Not because of the drinking but more that the people wouldn’t make me feel like a an old loser/ failure. I need a Barney in my life who tells me not to get married and to “Suit Up” so we can go do crazy things. I need a Marshall and Lily who keep me hopeful but don’t rub it in my face that they are married and I’m not. I need a Ted, who wants what I want just as much as I do. We could whine to each other. Ha. And I even want a Robin … who is just random. I don’t know. I guess I want friends. Wow, I sound majorly pathetic right now. But who cares. I still want it. I want to be around adults who are my age who have a career and who aren’t weird … like socially awkward weird where you are like “Oh that’s why they aren’t married” See which is horrible. I really don’t like this part of Mormon culture where I live. Cause I don’t think it is like this with Mormons in other places. So move, Sarah. Ha, right. I’ll just pack up, get another job and move by myself to where? North Dakota? And I’ll just pick history or drama to teach because the chances of me getting another job where I teach both is so fat and slim. And I’ll pray that my over all faculty and staff will be as wonderful. And I’ll just pray that I actually do move to a place with single Mormons my age. And I’ll hope that I actually meet some buddies instead of just literally being all alone and not having family or Best Friend. Ha ha. That sounds like a risk I want to take all alone. Ahhhh. Oh the constant debate in my head. It’s gross. But back to happy things. I saw a clip of President Eyring saying that BYU-I graduates would go on to be legen … wait for it dary. i was so happy. I wanted to do the whole high five but I was alone in the room. Anyway, I love the show.
So, I’ve been so stressed with work, and that constant debate in my head about going or staying and with feeling just out of place everywhere except at my parent’s home and with my students and … I decided I need to get away so badly. I was thinking Las Vegas. No joke. It’s not typical for me and I need not typical. Of course, once again I’d probably have to go alone. Best Friend doesn’t seem to think going alone to Las Vegas would be wise. But staying here in Logan and being alone for New Years sounds so completely depressing. I don’t want to push my way into other peoples’ New Years Plans either. I thought of visiting Best Friend and I’ve talked about it with her. And of course, she was like “Come” but then I’m like … she wants to be with her man for New Years what was I thinking? I don’t want to come be that annoying third wheel that invites herself into their plans. Maybe I could go visit some extended family. And this sounds so bad and I don’t mean it to … But most of my cousins my age are married and most of them with kids and that just sounds a little depressing to me … I want to get away from feeling like a failure for a couple nights. I’m so happy for them and I love love love spending time with them but I just need a break from being the only single one around.
I’d go visit Renbeth because her house is always an escape for me. I love seeing my nephew and playing games/ talking with Renbeth and Gretchen and eating good food. But I’m poor.
So, I feel at a loss. I invited Juan to Las Vegas offering to pay but he didn’t seem to keen on the idea. I think he’d rather spend New Years Eve with his friends than with his sister. So, maybe I will risk it and just go alone. I just can’t be here this year. I really just need out of Utah for a couple days to clear my head. So yeah.
